Skipping through pages. A through and through.

~o~



Same night, same day, same cold chilly wind.

Different predicaments, different statutes, perhaps different souls.

She made a conscious decision this same day, one of the hardest she guesses in her 21 years of life,

which  actually is the only thing that pursued when all of the insides that are in her were in total

opposition.

~pages~

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He asks.

"Okay ka lang ba?"

"Magaling ka na ba?"

"Nakatulog ka na ba?"

"San ka umuwi?"

"May lagnat ka pa din?"

"Hindi ka na naman kumain?"

"Wala ka na namang pera ba?"

"Asan ka na naman?"

"May balak ka bang magreply?"

She replies.

"Yess ^___^"

"No :( "

"Di pa eh LOL =))"

"Di pa eh :( huhu"

"Maya na. :p"

"Waah waitss busyyyy"

"HONOBEYEN JUSKUPOLOOORD @_@"

"Like I just did, what's this text called ba? Whatevs"

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Step-No

Step-Yes

Step- .....

She asks.

"Okay ka langpo  ba? :'("

"Magaling ka na po ba? *sad"

"Nakatulog ka na ba? hmmm :-?"

"San ka umuwi? hmmmp"

"May lagnat ka pa din po? :'("

"Hindi ka na naman makakain?"

"Ano na naman po masakit sayo huhu?"

"Asan ka na naman ba!!? putangina"

"May balak ka bang magreply? tangina naman oh!"

He replies.

"Ano?"

"Baket"

"K"

"Oo"

"Indi"

"Siguro"

"Basta"

"Ewan"

"oo na nga"

"AYOKO NA PUTANGINA"

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I love you"

"Why do you love me?"

"I just do."

"....."

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"Come here I  need you."

"Last wish granted, by tomorrow I don't know you."

"You think highly of yourself, you're mine."

"Iloveyou"

"Not a bit of me will remember."

"fool"

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"Where are you? I'm here."

"Are you really there? I'm coming :)"

"Are you really coming? :)"

"Yes, I am, wait."

"No games are you really coming?"

" I am!! stay put, wait for me"

"For how long?"

"As long as it takes"

"Stop playing, please."

"I'm not, so wait."

".....!@#$%^&..."

"Already here, where are you?"

" I left"

"games"

"games"

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It was unexpected, she never thought that a final reunion will somehow lead to an unbecoming death, she has never encountered such disappointment on a day that she looked forward to in all superlative adjectives for joy, excitement, thrill and a "this is it, finally!"~ that one bright morning with the aroma of coffee and butter in fluffy pancakes, it was astonishing that it was indeed not  a day to boost her morale but lest to dishearten her having known that with such vessel right before her eyes, it was utterly bitter to admit that perhaps that soul is truly g-o-n-e.

~AFFIRMATION~

...of the truth that this love can be unreal when death comes to one's door, love dies when souls die--

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STATUS QUO

Indeed not a function of circumstance but a heavy deal of conscious decision making and standing for it,

 I'm not bitter, but I'm better :).

 And in all honesty,

 I'm still me but with a longer dry hair, 

thinner long legs that you did love, 

in a different scent of Clinique "Happy"

 which I aim to be, 

in a more quieter means of word play now, 

still gregarious to strangers, 

still cusses like a whore and I...

 I still watch you, and learn from you 

because that is the part of me that I have grown with you 

that is in all sincerity~ 
a me that I love to love. 
My decision, being it so selfish, self centered and I guess very against you perhaps is something

I'd annually remember,

 there were fireworks that day, lots of them, 

we ate exactly what we craved for, 

harassed my feet into long walks and 

walked all throughout the rain, 

raised our feet in the car seat with shoes on, bought the silliest  most  comically manufactured products, 

joked and fooled around hiding and seeking, talked for hours with senseless logics that you never knew how much it stuck in my head, 

the last night of you and me 

was indeed the best memory of 

you in me.

In my heart you'll always be dear to my regard.

~anonymous

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Sweet

I'm sorry I lost you.

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Of Hello-s and Goodbyes

Hello.

She was as always spontaneous and creative with her random thoughts, she never proclaimed almighty but she knows she can..~almighty to the universe which is herself, against any other man.

She was profound when coming to and fro honesty, always factual when she lies.

She never saw him the way he thought he was seen by her, he was always shining in her eyes~ "oh those eyes" she said, she adored these for a thousand years and has always known it would never last, but she has never told what she should have said, yes she did not~ She now holds the scarlet letter of regret and forever quest to beat the best.

She is a jealous actress, an epitome of falsified-perfection, faking smiles as those ray of sunshine touch her cheeks, her lips, her arms,her chest, her soul, her life..yet in all of its ironic sense, she has never felt this fine.

She's better off, that's what she always thinks. Mind over matter. Though a glance in a far away horizon is still her usual routine, with or without this someone..a peek or two is now more like her usual blinking.

Blink one, blink two.tears.

Headsets in its max~ she now has her occasional amnesia.

She kept weeping for months which nobody noticed, she looked majestic with such fine feathers nobody knew what's underneath..a rotten corpse coming to an annual commemoration if and only if she forgets that she has indeed forgotten.

< Door screeches>

<Lights blind her eyes as she tries to take a peek of that someone in the door>

<Blinded still, now with amazing patches of colored lights perplexing her vision>

"Oh shit! my eyes" she said.

The view is now vivid. 

"Holy mother of God." she cried.

You.

She sings a song:

She listens and sings and sobs and smiles and stares blankly:

She sang a song: 

I watched you cry, bathe in sunlight by the bathroom door

You said you wish you did not love me anymore

You left your flowers in the backseat of my car

The things we said may have left permanent scars

Obsessed, depressed at the same time

I can't even walk in a straight line

I'm a light in the dark, no sunshine

She cries, "This is more than goodbye

When I look into your eyes

You're not even there"

It's just a feeling, just a feeling, just a feeling that I have

Just a feeling, just a feeling that I have

'Cause it's just a feeling, just a feeling, just a feeling

You've hit your low

You've lost control, you want him back

You may not believe me but I gave you all I had

Undressed, confessed that you're still mine

I rolled around in a bed full of tears and I

I'm still laying in the dark, no sunshine

She cries, "This is more than goodbye

When I look into your eyes

You're not even there"

It's just a feeling, just a feeling, just a feeling that I have

Just a feeling, just a feeling that I have

'Cause it's just a feeling, just a feeling, just a feeling

So much to say it's not the way she does her hair

It's the way she seems to stare right through my eyes

And in that darkest day that she refused to run away

It's just a feeling, just a feeling, just a feeling that I have

Just a feeling, just a feeling that I have

It's just a feeling

It's just a feeling, just a feeling, just a feeling that I have

(I can't believe that it's over)

Just a feeling, just a feeling that I have

And I can't believe that it's over, yeah

"You are not just that" someone said.

"He was...<and stops> was we" she thought, looks back and smirks.

And many YOU AREs fluttered the room but she never cared...

Someone filled the four corners of the room with words that if she could have heard may save a part of her soul, well who will ever know.

She smiled, acted she cared and said: 

"I can't believe that it's over."

Enough.

Endless murmurs she did:

"When is enough really enough?"

Battle city; the only game she excelled playing, now in her head, memories of a happy childhood complete with both pillars side-by-side, side...by...side in the living room bets up, she's got all stars. Memories, now back in her treasure box, reality kicks its way in...

There are times on a usual journey to work she asks, where is the eagle base in this battle city? That would be the end of this war, of this madness, I need to destroy that base, maybe we could RESTART. <void>

/There are times on a usual journey to work she asks, where is the eagle base in this battle city? That would be the end of this war, of this madness, I need to destroy that base, maybe we could propose that this war is enough.<30> <#><apir><pwede>

Endless murmuring, she continues:

"Is it as well an accepted norm for the highest specie, homo sapiens, to actually proclaim a limit to certain illogical thoughts?"

"When is irrational acceptable and when is it over the top?"

"Enough, what is even the pronoun to state the quality of being enough."

Enoughity<void>

Enough<valid>

"Is it even a pronoun then" she asks..acts she doesn't care. 

"Is he okay?"

"@#$%^&@#$%^&* enough!! "

Someone asked her, "you okay?"

She replied.....

"I can't believe that it's over."

Goodbye.

It was a foggy Monday morn and someone smiles at her and says,

"Good morning beautiful."

She tried for some seconds to look into that person's eyes..

now tells herself,

"enough"

 Decided now to look down on the floor and hide a flattered smile.

 "Shut up you ^__^ "

So this is how battle city looks like in the end.

 Eagle base down, a day with a tad bit sunshine.

<30>

 

"Sixteen stories, I'd rather burn than fall."

Have you ever gone to the point in your life wherein you know it’s the ultimate end of things undone?

It may sound really bewildering but let me share you a fragment of an everyday thought I seem to have a hard time forgetting, kills me each and every time I wake up and knocks me unconscious each time I lie awake in my bed, I’m troubled,

There’s this idea-oh well first and foremost it was once a reality I loved so much, that when I lost it, it has been my forever wonderland- I have estranged myself with this thinking, I am perhaps insane to some degree but I still know I’m not, well this idea is something I looked forward to and hoped to have never existed in my head at the same time, I feel confused now. I still am- I am even finding it a very heavy deal to put in into words now, but I’ll try anyway.

DREAMS- can you exactly define dreams? I can’t. For the obvious reason that sometimes or perhaps always, I feel afraid of the outcome, do I pursue? Do I continue? Do I run after it- should I? An initial liking for something is something I find tedious to settle in a more serious manner, like, how do you define your wants from your needs? They are two different things right? And as well two similar things that is very hard to divide. Continuous puzzle.

ASPIRATIONS- Who sets them? Is it you? Is it the people around you? Is it respect that binds you to fulfill aspirations? Or it is just mere pressure from a society you belonged to-to which; incorporation is a mere toss of a coin? Luckily luckless you in a very futile role which was underscored productive per se.

IDEALS- Can I break them? Can I toss them out of my way? Can they just disappear? Can I just sing them the rain away song and make things completely and entirely ineffectual to myself, to my universe and to my heart? I believe I am clear with this one.

I seldom realize the true the good and the beautiful, my world is a polluted river, it  flows in continuous harmony with time yet it doesn’t mind the debris of  fallen towers of hope, love and faith, it just carries it without a concern, you can’t even imagine a pause, a confusion- nothing, I am expecting a very long , tiring yet colorful  journey, wearing by the second, God help me, I am optimistic though, the ocean awaits me, I know, I know that from the bottom of I believe a bottomless heart that He gave me.

I am now 16 floors above the ground, thinking is this high enough for You to hear me?

And if I did something wrong I’m sorry.

I believe there will be an end to all of this, I believe.