Chasing Cars

A mashup.

If my yesterday is a disgrace,tell me that you still recall my name,I won't fight for anyone until you move my hand,I will make sure to keep my distance, say "I love you" when you're not listening, how long till we call this love, love?,everything we had, everything we did, is buried in dust.

I never meant to wither
I wanted to be tall
Like a fool left the river
And watched my branches fall
Old and thirsty, I longed for the flood
To come back around
To the cactus in the valley
That's about to crumble down
And wipe the mark of sadness from my face
Show me that your love will never change
If my yesterday is a disgrace
Tell me that you still recall my name
So, the storm finally found me
And left me in the dark
In the cloud around me
I don't know where you are
If this whole world goes up in arms
All I can do is stand
And I won't fight for anyone
Until you move my hand
And wipe the mark of madness from my face
Show me that your love will never change
If my yesterday is a disgrace
Tell me that you still recall my name
Oh, here
In the shadow
Here I am
And I need someone by my side
It becomes so
Hard to stand
And I keep trying to dry my eyes
Come and find me
In the valley
And wipe the mark of sadness from my face
Show me that your love will never change
If my yesterday is a disgrace
Tell me that you still recall my name
Wipe the mark of madness from my face
Show me that your love will never change
If my yesterday is a disgrace
Tell me that you still recall my name
Tell me that you still recall my name, no
Tell me that you still recall my name,
The sun is filling up the room and I can hear you dreaming
Do you feel the way I do, right now?
I wish we would just give up
'Cause the best part is falling, call it anything but love
And I will make sure to keep my distance
Say "I love you" when you're not listening
And how long can we keep this up, up, up?
Please don't stand so close to me, I'm having trouble breathing
I'm afraid of what you'll see, right now
I'll give you everything I am
All my broken heartbeats until I know you'll understand
And I will make sure to keep my distance
Say "I love you" when you're not listening
And how long can we keep this up, up, up?
And I keep waiting for you to take me
You keep waiting to say what we have
So I'll make sure to keep my distance
Say "I love you" when you're not listening
And how long can we keep this up, up, up?
Make sure to keep my distance
Say "I love you" when you're not listening
How long till we call this love, love, love?
With our eyes wide open, we
With our eyes wide open, we
So this is the end of the story,
Everything we had, everything we did,
Is buried in dust,
And this dust is all that's left of us.
But only a few ever worried.
Well the signs were clear, they had no idea.
You just get used to living in fear,
Or give up when you can't even picture your future.
We walk the plank with our eyes wide open.
We walk the plank with our eyes wide open, we
(Walk the plank with our eyes wide open, we)
Yeah, we walk the plank with our eyes wide open, we
(Walk the plank with our eyes wide open.)
Some people offered up answers.
We made out like we heard, they were only words.
They didn't add up to a change in the way we were living,
And the saddest thing is all of it could have been avoided.
But it was like to stop consuming is to stop being human,
You'll want to make a change if you won't.
We're all in the same boat, staying afloat for the moment.
We walk the plank with our eyes wide open, we
(Walk the plank with our eyes wide open, we)
Yeah we walk the plank with our eyes wide open, we
(Walk the plank with our eyes wide open.)
We walk the plank with our eyes wide open,
We walk the plank with our eyes wide open,
We walk the plank with our eyes wide open, we
With our eyes wide open, we walk the plank, we walk the plank.
With our eyes wide open, we walk the plank, we walk the plank, we walk the plank.
With our eyes wide open, we walk the plank, we walk the plank.

That was the end of the story.

And when the stars fall I will lie awake. You're my shooting star.

Francie is a vintage doll by Mattel Inc., cousin of the infamous Barbie

It's not so much of a favor I guess, it's more of a much needed support that unfortunately

didn't push through.

wanting comfort

wanting control

wanting guidance

wanting direction

I was wanting...a lot of things lately, but the continuous wanting must eventually stop.

Now removing the million dots to all past and prospective queries all answerable by:

<Okay><brr><.>

TRIED DID I, and reached out I had, when to personally fathom such decline is unforgiveable and to surpass the reality of a NO is just a no-no, had I known I never should have taken the road oh I don't know , but I had to have the peace of mind, which still is something in suspension that I'd rather bury in my mind where the mask of pretense shall dominate the true the good and the beautiful that it used to be.

I am growing everyday in the company of intellects one,two-decade advanced from that I lived, a source of happiness, of mental and emotional pollution I call good, no regrets where I am now but the strings of my youth I guess should have an end, that youth shall be everything past

Finding one's self is an everyday challenge, in a month's time a person can grow 10 years ahead of it's physical state, and to outgrow some could be bad but in the light of contrasting principles, habits and customs, one should accept that change is still the only thing unchangeable in this lifetime you borrowed, so make the most out of it.

One should flow with the river of events, and never go against the current for it will just be a thousand sufferings, one should accompany in an arm’s length reach the antidote of acceptance, and you see, regrets should be forgotten for they drag the weak of you, of course I mean this with no offense, emotions should only prosper after the battle has been won, and honestly thy battle hasn't even started yet; whereas this battle perhaps is still in suspense.

Knowing the fruit doesn't fall too far from the tree it should not come as a surprise, you got to be at least proud, I keep my head down still and never forget the origin of my widening circumference so what to fuss about still?  Taking the giant leap away is never the option, it's the evident emotional weakling in you trying to act to so big blinded so little.

Mind this, I wouldn’t trade emotions for nothing.

<ALT+13><brr><‘The Curtain Close’><brr<ALT+13>>

 Bili nyo ako ng gummy bears,asap.

Francie is a vintage doll by Mattel Inc., cousin of the infamous Barbie

Sincerely, I must admit that I enjoyed all the fireworks this life has given me, you were all so beautiful and I feel so lucky, 
but after the show has lit and ended,
still the stars remain.

So, stop asking.

Today is April 1, I dare you to take me seriously.

Silverstein - The End feat Lights 

First time we met

Face became etched

In my mind

You were the sun

I was the one who worshipped you

My hands were your guns

Your eyes were my muse

And I knew you could never love me

I had so much sorrow inside you could never reach

But can I still keep 

A place in your heart

You broke my heart

You promised me the moon and stars

I fell for your dreams

I fell for your lies

There was no other way

You know I tried

And I knew you could never love me

I had so much sorrow inside you could never reach

But can I still keep

A place in your heart

There is something

I want you to know

I think you know exactly what it is

I didn't want to save you

I didn't want to save you

I set our house on fire

To watch it burn

But I couldn't just leave you

And I knew you could never love me

I had so much sorrow inside you could never reach

But I'll ask you this

Will you still miss me?

(I still miss you)

Will you love me?

(Yes, I love you)

Planes fill the sky

We'll both die tonight

We'll both die tonight

Hands from the sky

Swat us away like flies

As we follow the light

We'll both die tonight

We'll both die tonight

Swat us away like flies

We'll both die tonight

As we follow the light

This union, a battle fought and lost

This union was not about the cause

This union was never about love

I made this video. Music and lyrics and pictures and thoughts and the last of it.

An article from the ArabNews Newspaper Monday 16 June 2008 (11 Jumada al-Thani 1429)

An article from the ArabNews Newspaper
Monday 16 June 2008 (11 Jumada al-Thani 1429)

Imagine a world without Filipinos
Abdullah Al-Maghlooth | Al-Watan, almaghlooth@alwatan.com.sa


Muhammad Al-Maghrabi became handicapped and shut down his flower and gifts shop business in Jeddah after his Filipino workers insisted on leaving and returning home. He says: “When they left, I felt as if I had lost my arms. I was so sad that I lost my appetite.”

Al-Maghrabi then flew to Manila to look for two other Filipino workers to replace the ones who had left. Previously, he had tried workers of different nationalities but they did not impress him. “There is no comparison between Filipinos and others,” he says. Whenever I see Filipinos working in the Kingdom, I wonder what our life would be without them.

Saudi Arabia has the largest number of Filipino workers — 1,019,577 — outside the Philippines. In 2006 alone, the Kingdom recruited more than 223,000 workers from the Philippines and their numbers are still increasing. Filipinos not only play an important and effective role in the Kingdom, they also perform different jobs in countries across the world, including working as sailors. They are known for their professionalism and the quality of their work.

Nobody here can think of a life without Filipinos, who make up around 20 percent of the world’s seafarers. There are 1.2 million Filipino sailors.

So if Filipinos decided one day to stop working or go on strike for any reason, who would transport oil, food and heavy equipment across the world? We can only imagine the disaster that would happen.

What makes Filipinos unique is their ability to speak very good English and the technical training they receive in the early stages of their education. There are several specialized training institutes in the Philippines, including those specializing in engineering and road maintenance. This training background makes them highly competent in these vital areas.

When speaking about the Philippines, we should not forget Filipino nurses. They are some 23 percent of the world’s total number of nurses. The Philippines is home to over 190 accredited nursing colleges and institutes, from which some 9,000 nurses graduate each year. Many of them work abroad in countries such as the US, the UK, Saudi Arabia, the United Arab Emirates, Kuwait and Singapore.

Cathy Ann, a 35-year-old Filipino nurse who has been working in the Kingdom for the last five years and before that in Singapore, said she does not feel homesick abroad because “I am surrounded by my compatriots everywhere.” Ann thinks that early training allows Filipinos to excel in nursing and other vocations. She started learning this profession at the age of four as her aunt, a nurse, used to take her to hospital and ask her to watch the work. “She used to kiss me whenever I learned a new thing. At the age of 11, I could do a lot. I began doing things like measuring my grandfather’s blood pressure and giving my mother her insulin injections,” she said.

This type of early education system is lacking in the Kingdom. Many of our children reach the university stage without learning anything except boredom.

The Philippines, which you can barely see on the map, is a very effective country thanks to its people. It has the ability to influence the entire world economy.

We should pay respect to Filipino workers, not only by employing them but also by learning from their valuable experiences.

We should learn and educate our children on how to operate and maintain ships and oil tankers, as well as planning and nursing and how to achieve perfection in our work. This is a must so that we do not become like Muhammad Al-Maghrabi who lost his interest and appetite when Filipino workers left his flower shop.

We have to remember that we are very much dependent on the Filipinos around us. We could die a slow death if they chose to leave us.

Awake, Doing Nothin’

Awake, doing nothin’, just closed the youtube tab after catchin’ up on niggahiga and Mikey Bustos.

It’s 6’oclock in the morning, it’s so quiet and all I can hear is the endless twirling of the mini fan inside my laptop thinking it has been three days non-stop that I had her on, her name is Zooey by the way.

I couldn’t sleep, I was actually thinking of just doing a video of this whatever this is goin’ on in my head but I decided I’d rather do it in prose but regretting it this minute coz I feel so tired typing already, every day of my life I’m typing, faced in a very bright monitor at home, in the office, in my fone at the streets thinking, am I putting life on the days passing by? And I was positive, I feel good but tired.

I have started to loathe texting; it started to be so tedious for me.

I have always been praying for an iPad coz I got too tired using the mouse/finger pad.

I have been so lazy to speak; I seem to have lost the energy.

I have been getting more tired by the minute.

I have been in bed for more than 24 hours now, I get up only for bathroom-related purposes, nothing else, I don’t even have the enthusiasm for food and for my friends, if my sisters weren’t in my room I would have totally not spoken.

I browse the net facedown in my bed, or whatever position possible for me to do, going upright in the table just next to my bed is even a thought I never considered.

If I feel sore I’d drop Zooey and use Belle instead, my fone, I had the habit of watching all youtube/dailymotion/you.../you...you know what I’m sayin’ dorks,  all videos possible, scandal, tutorial, candid, porn, historical, mythical, porn, astronomical, porn yeah whatever is available, because I’m tired of the usual, “ Lez go watch this” “lez go in that place” “lez rock in the pub” lezgoo crazy blah blah blah, If they would just understand,  I feel like I’m happier doing nothing alone in my bed, in my room.

I enjoy the company of myself, as of the moment.

Truth is, I have times in my life where I feel less the person I am that is capable of holding some people in good relations towards me all at the same time, I feel consumed and tired taking care of other people it succumbs the person in me that I wished I were alone at some points. It’s more like, “can I have a weekend please?”

I was trying to make a point for terms such as “time to think”, “time for myself”, “time to chill” and it never were phrases intended to equate to “space”, you need space when you can’t breathe because the other party is making it complicated to do so, whence however, you need time to simply grow as a person for the benefit of yourself and other people. Steady.

I once insinuated an observation for the “fire to keep burning”.

But I was answered “ You are putting words into my mouth”

And so I stopped talking.

And when I started to talk and engage in good old conversation I was told.

“You are bored today aren’t you? You just sent me a message.”

So how do I exactly explain myself when I have been just being MYSELF?

Well I guess it’s hard to say the words exploding in my head right now, and if you ask me if I were shocked well boy you got it coz I won’t even remember these if it never hit the very nerve of “WTF did I just do again?”

I’m tired, oh so tired..

Loneliness should not however, be equated with being alone.

One can be intensely lonely in the midst of crowds.

Well the truth does hurt huh?

Forgive me for I have sinned?

What’s up?

It’s hard to contain these thoughts that for some reason will never be expressed through facebook statuses nor does for twitter tweets, which is actually pathetic come to think of the past times I did that. I am just so afraid, and this fear is something I am yet to understand and is still one of the mysteries that these days have been offering me.

I am not just bored.

How could you be so judgmental?

I am not in the mood to do friendly banters as of the moment, not in a good energy to even appreciate the beautiful things passing by around me and it’s all for the reason that I  am in this point in time where things are in a bloody-battle in my head. If you really know me, hence you should have been pre-informed that I do get to “rest myself” with the most quiet hiatus in deep and solemn thinking with nothing but random thoughts.

What about now?

We have lives. We have our own souls. I never will be bound to a world other than mine. If it is heartfelt sickening well forgive me~ but I am neither empathetic nor sympathetic in whatever sense. I need some time to figure out the rest of my life.

The rest of my life.

If you want specifics let me shoot you one. I am 22 years and 4 days old. I am not happy that a month has passed for this year and I am still not making any progress, I need to jump out of this childish world, this world of everyday déjà vuS of sickening proletarian lifestyle in a dog-eat-dog world of narcissist animals which I am guilty as charged.

Queries on queue.

I am just not in the zone of being naïve. I am tired. Hell tired. I have lots of things to dwell upon, and petty stuff such as a simple response is not so simple to me who apparently thinks stupid questions should always be left unanswered.

And you, what’s your problem?

Stop it. Your simple gestures to apparently lead malicious thoughts towards the very ironic target should have an end, stop it, your deliberate intent to falsify truth and undoubtedly prove lies is yet still too juvenile that it has to stop. I am indeed intrigued on how you carry on with your days with this theatrical show of your self- injected mystery that you think you orchestrate so cleverly like I DON’T KNOW YOU. Forgive me but it has to stop.

Back to the topic.

And yes, what should I do? You only think of yourself that it is you who is tired and worn off and dull and helpless, come on for crying out loud, you will never be in that position if I thought of you otherwise. DAMN.

Love is a grave mental disease. ~Plato

I was born 22 years ago today.

French Script at 18.

by chance of heartbeats that is to music we adhere... 

Oh how I adore this song...

He and I, it's somethin' beautiful
But so dysfunctional, it couldn't last
Loved him so but I let him go
Cause I knew he'd never love me back

Such pain as this
Shouldn't have to be experienced
I'm still reeling from the loss
Still a little bit delirious, yeah

Near to you, I am healin'
But it is takin' so long
Cause though he's gone and you are wonderful
It's hard to move on
Yeah, I'm better near to you

Well, you and I, it's somethin' different
And I'm enjoyin' it as cautiously
I'm battle scarred, I am workin' oh so hard
To get back to who I used to be

He's disappearin'
Fadin' steadily
When I'm so close to bein' yours
Won't you stay with me, please?

Cause near to you, I am healin'
But it is takin' so long
Cause though he's gone and you are wonderful
It's hard to move on
Yet I'm better near to you
Yeah, I'm better near to you

I only know that I am better where you are
I only know that I am better where you are
I only know that I belong where you are

Near to you, I am healin'
But it?s takin' so long
Though he's gone and you are wonderful
It's hard to move on

Near to you, I am healin'
But it?s takin' so long
Cause though he's gone and you are wonderful
It's hard to move on
Yeah, I'm better near to you
Yeah, I'm better near to you

the end???

éthos circa 2012

If I gave you my heart

To wear upon your arm

Would you lend me all your scars to bear?

I swear

I'm here

And never take it off

Never take it off

'cause we're all

Tied up

In knots